When’s the last time you felt stillness?
In this new season of school, grad school edition, I feel like my time has not stopped. There’s always something that NEEDS to be done and even if I have a little free time, my thoughts are consumed with the things I could get done for school. But yet, is it crazy to say that I feel like I’m in a season of stillness?
To be honest, I’ve felt more alone since starting grad school than I thought I would have been. I’ve had to give up things and say no to things, just so I can put my effort into something I really want to do. It hasn’t been easy. But it almost feels like I’m stuck in this desert season of feeling alone, but at the same time I feel so busy. And the thought that has consumed me is that: I can’t stop this season from happening.
Whenever seasons of stillness happen (whether it be a day, week or months), I feel so disconnected from God. I feel no direction. It’s like this never ending circle of : not hearing His voice or feeling like I don’t have a specific calling, which leads me to not spend the time I usually would like to with Him, which brings me further from the Word, which decreases my chances of building intimacy with Him, to a decrease of not hearing His voice, etc………..
I think “still seasons” (or feeling like you’re at a plateau…. I know we’ve all been there) are the most frightening seasons when you think about it. At least, they are for me. When nothing is happening, it seems like God is silent. Then you may go through the cycle like I just mentioned.
Something that has been a reoccurring topic the last few days that hit home: God is PURSUING ME. Not only that, but He is doing so relentlessly. Even when I feel alone, even when things are at a standstill, He is still there and He is still pursuing. I go through a devotional website called She Reads Truth**, and yesterday, it talked about Gods pursuit for Jonah. God has a specific calling for this man, and He pursues Jonah, knowing that Jonah was created to send a message to the people of Nineveh.
And God’s pursuit is the same for ALL of us (although, we have different callings 🙂 )!
In seasons of stillness, I feel like I’ve almost lost purpose. I’ve lost the thought that God is in pursuit of my heart. I feel like I’m singing Adele’s song “Hello.” …like “hey remember me? I have purpose right?”
Here’s what I read for my devotional:
God gives specific callings to specific people. That means God wants me for my particular calling and life. It means He has specific plans for you too. Ephesians tells us “we are His creation, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10).
“We can’t escape God and His stormy gale of purpose. He pursues us with love that is filled with a beautiful intensity unlike anything else we have ever known.”
God has not stopped pursuing me. Even in the times I feel so close to Him, in the exciting times, in the adventures, and yes, even in the stillness, He is right there where He’s always been, with the same purpose I feel like He continues to tell me: love and pursue Him, and to love and pursue people. In this season, I have to trust God it’ll all be worth it. It’s easy to look ahead and say “can I just be a physical therapist already and get out of this season?” But right here, and right now, I have to learn to be content in the stillness.
So my encouragement, embrace the seasons of stillness. It can be easy to look at other peoples lives during that time and compare (especially those who are doing really exciting things) and it’s easy to look ahead to the future as an escape to try to get out of this season. But that is not the season you are meant for right now. Abide. Trust. And KNOW you are ALWAYS being pursued with purpose and a calling for something great right where you’re at, and for what’s ahead.