I got this little notification the other day. My first reaction was….wow I don’t even remember when I signed up with WordPress, and my second reaction was…THREE YEARS? And then I laughed. And then I had an outburst of an absurd amount of emotions.
I wanted to wait to have this sentimental post after my “one year official when I actual started blogging” and how much writing/sharing my ideas brings me so much joy. But life is unpredictable and I’m going to break the rules…so I’ll get sentimental now.
When I see that “3 years” I try to envision the person I was (you should try the same for yourself). 20 years old…searching for things to fill my purpose. Searching to feel accepted, to feel loved, to feel whole. I was fearful. Broken, full of guilt and shame. But yet God taught me more that past year than I could have even envisioned. As I realized how broken I was that year, I learned so much about redemption…that even a person like myself can be called beloved and pure. Something else I learned that year was that I was afraid to dream big.
Dreaming big required that I had to think of the impossible. That I had to think of things that could seemingly be out of reach or that could take forever to get to. Dreams that required perseverance and patience…which I definitely lack in.
After realizing I was afraid to dream big, to make a long story short, I felt the call to write. If you hear me talk about this ever…at the time, I HATED writing. I was never good at English in school, and writing papers (even the creative ones) were the absolute worst. I was (and am!) the least qualified to write anything. Yet, the things I was learning at the time I wanted to share, and God said “write.”
Whenever I feel called to do something, I always seem to hesitate. I also wait last minute. Even sometimes, straight up: rejection. Most of the time it’s things that seem crazy, out of the box, things that require vulnerability. And who wants to be vulnerable….right? So when I felt the need to write, I said “absolutely not.” It sounded too scary, and it requires me to open up myself to others. As a society, we hate to be open. We put on masks and pretend we have it all together, so vulnerability isn’t the most popular thing. In the end, fear is a re-occurring thing in my life that holds me back.
Within those (technically 2) years, I still was dreaming big. I wanted to write. I longed to write. But I wrestled with that fear of failure and fear of vulnerability, and I also wrestled with, “why would my thoughts matter? What’s so special about what I have to say?” But I felt the pull from God still. I felt like He was saying “Trust me.”
Last year I read a book called “Anything” by Jennie Allen. It tipped me over the edge. It taught me that even though I am a Christian, I was living a life that was complacent, that was comfortable and I held back gifts that God gave me, and it was incredible selfish of me not to give God glory through that. So that was my breaking point and I started blogging.
It has been a whirlwind for me. Something as simple as a little blog has taught me so much. It has taught me to trust God when He calls you to something. It has taught me that nothing is perfect as it seems from a distance, and it’s super frustrating. It taught me how beautiful (yet still so scary) vulnerability is. But most importantly, it taught me to keep dreaming, to dream big, and to not to be afraid to dream. Although we may fail or feel far away from what we dream or feel unqualified to follow a dream, there is a God that is bigger than all those doubts (“….great is Your faithfulness” – lamentation 3:23).
My friends, if I were to give advice…here it is:
1. Do not fear to dream big.
You have things that you are called to do. Don’t sit back and wait for them to come to you. Go out and capture them.
2. Trust God with your dreams.
He will “equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to Him….” – Hebrews 13:21
3. Let your dreams be glorifying to the Lord:
“so whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” -1 Corinthians 10:31
“…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” – Philippians 4:8
4. Be patient: good things take time.
That’s all I have to say about that one.
I pray my testimony of writing and dreaming big inspires you. I pray that it ignites your passions for new dreams or awakens old dreams. I pray that if you are in pursuit of a dream, that it is glorifying to the Lord, that you trust Him with everything, and that you have the perseverance to keep pursing that dream. The cool thing is, God gives a little grace and wiggle room (it took me 2+ years to actually write, so you’ll do great).
You are called, my friends, to dream big. So dream on.