enough.

If I have to start with one thing to say after not writing for awhile:

CHRISTMAS BREAK IS SO GLORIOUS!

My brain is getting a much needed break. Netflix, family, friends, and NO HOMEWORK. Glorious, so glorious.

Now that I have time to rest and process things, I can begin to write about something that has been on my heart for months, and even something I struggle with long before I realized it was a thing, and something I realize we all struggle with.

My question for you is, do you feel like you’re enough?

After reading Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly, I learned about vulnerability mostly, but the biggest thing that stuck out to me is culture of scarcity. Aka the loss of wholehearted living and instead, living with the fear of not being enough. That stuck with me the whole book, and has been the word on my heart for a few months. Check out this quote Brene quotes [quote within a quote 🙂 ] :

“For me, and for many of us, our first waking thought of the day is “I didn’t get enough sleep.” The next one is “I don’t have enough time.” Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it. We spend most of the hours and the days of our lives hearing, explaining, complaining, or worrying about what we don’t have enough of. We don’t have enough exercise. We don’t have enough work. We don’t have enough profits. We don’t have enough power. We don’t have enough wilderness. We don’t have enough weekends. Of course, we don’t have enough money – ever.

We’re not thin enough, we’re not smart enough, we’re not pretty enough or fit enough or educated or successful enough, or rich enough – ever.

Before we even sit up in bed, before our feet touch the floor, we’re already inadequate, already behind, already losing, already lacking something. And by the time we go to bed at night, our minds race with a litany of what we didn’t get, or didn’t get done, that day. We go to sleep burdened by those thoughts and wake up to the reverie of lack.

What begins as a simple expression of the hurried life, or even the challenged life, grows into the great justification for an unfulfilled life.”

Not enough.

I feel the weight of this everyday. I am not pretty enough. I am not smart enough. I am not funny enough. I am not strong enough. I am not good enough. I want to be a daughter, a friend, a sister, a leader that is ENOUGH. I hear the lies coming in and out of my brain constantly. I make decisions each day to do things that make me feel like I’m enough…things that don’t matter. I strive. I grow tired of striving for things that don’t matter, and in the end, I still feel like I’m not enough. I scroll through social media, having my mind consumed with comparison, and you guessed it, not feeling good enough when compared to others.

Anyone else feel this?

We feel the wanting. To be a parent, co-worker, friend, wife, husband, musician, student, peer, son, daughter, sibling, boyfriend, girlfriend that is good enough. The list goes on. Where do you fit?

After a process of identifying the areas I don’t feel “enough” in (long, ugly process), I looked at the way I retaliate to help have my heart feel that I will be “enough” (an even longer and uglier process). I post pictures that will get likes. I say things I don’t mean. I say things to have people perceive me in a “cooler” way (yes, even at 24, I just want to be cool!). I buy things that I don’t really need. I waste time on pinterest, idealizing a life that would seem picture perfect. There’s even more where that came from, and I’m sure there’s a billion other things I do to feel enough. Not only that, but refraining from things is something we do when we feel like we’re not enough. For instance, I haven’t written in forever because I feel like my words aren’t enough. Or I don’t hang out with certain people anymore because I don’t feel like a good enough friend.

Then, after a long time processing this, stuffing it so I wouldn’t have to think about it, then bringing it back up, then after some tears, frustrations… I sit here asking God, “where do you fit into all this?” Because I know for me, God first and foremost has a say in EVERYTHING I do. And I’m sure He has a few things to say about this.

So during these months of me trying to meditate on what it means to be enough, I prayed that God would reveal to me what it truly means to be enough. There have been verses, books, and people that I have come across during that time. Without writing a book, I want to share with you what has encouraged me during this time.

I read this passage from 1 Corinthians 2 a couple weeks ago:

Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.

The ones who weren’t enough, God has called. He picked them. He CHOSE them. He call them ENOUGH. At the time, they weren’t strong enough, wise enough, funny enough, pretty enough, yet God looks at those He calls and says, “You are MINE. You are STRONG. You are WISE. You are BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE ENOUGH!”

WE ARE ENOUGH BECAUSE WE HAVE A GOD THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH

Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God. (2 Corinthians 3:5 )
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Here’s my paraphrase:

“You see those areas you are weak in? Those areas you aren’t enough? That’s where I shine the most. That’s exactly how I made you. What would be the point of not having weaknesses? You would only depend on yourself. You are already full of pride.You would have nothing to do with me. But because of you weaknesses, your beautiful weaknesses, I have a part of your story. And I will fulfill that weakness in overabundance.”

So….”why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare” (Isaiah. 55:2). (aka….Why yearn after those things that fill a temporary hole of being enough? )

So what I have learned is that I need to rest, abide, and continue to pursue God. Resting and knowing God has already called me enough is something I have to shower over myself each and everyday. It’s kind of like understanding God’ grace every day. It’s confusing, but without rooting yourself in knowing that His grace covers you everyday without strings attached, we’re just going to strive on our own, with our “good works.” It’s honestly so tiring and too much work anyways to be enough. Why not just trust God everyday with what He has to say about us?

There are so many more things I want to share, but I could literally write a book about this. I hope I was able to stir up some ideas within you. I hope I was able to bring peace through God’s word. I hope through identifying some areas I strive in to be enough, you are able to do the same. And most importantly, I hope that through all this, you can see how you are enough. No more striving. No more growing tired of striving. No more worrying. You are enough.

#isntshelovely

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s